Where did the summers go?

What do you do when you don't remember something? Retrace your steps? Ponder and ponder, until you can't ponder anymore? What if everything you try fails?

Dissociation is like a never ending frustration. You can't really retrace. You can ponder until your head hurts (which most likely hurt to begin with) but that doesn't work. Therapy? Maybe that helps. I started therapy in October 2009. Since then I've had 2 or 3 memories but then you wonder if they're real or false.

With DID, not only do you do you deal with a loss of memories, you also deal with a plethora of other issues. For me, the other main issues are: Who am I? How do I deal with the light headedness and headaches? Will the thoughts in my head ever stop? Will I ever know this diagnosis is me? and probably a lot more that I just can't think of right now.

So, with all of these issues and knowing that no matter what, there is dissociation there, you would think I would be used to not remembering. It wouldn't bother you, right? Wrong! At least in my case.

I was talking to a friend yesterday. I was telling him about the summer of my sixth year. Camp! I loved camp! However, when I ended up getting hurt, my mom stopped taking me. When asked, what did you do during summers when you weren't at camp, I didn't know. I don't remember any summer until possibly 14 or 15 years old.

This was so awful! How could every summer be gone? I was so distressed about this. Of course, in about 15 minutes, I had, not forgotten but let it slip to the back of my mind, to let someone else deal with it but it keeps slipping back to the for front.