Need? No! Want? Yes!

Don't fucking tell me I'm doing better! Especially, if you're going to tell me its because of you! Don't tell me you don't wanna be around me and then when I say leave if you don't want to be around me tell me that you're leaving because I told you to! I didn't say any such thing! Don't say you're my friend one day and not the next! I'm not a fucking yo-yo to be played with!

If I am doing better, which I doubt seriously most of the time, then it is because of me. I know, however, this is my roll coaster. I get better and then worse. I'm trying to stop the roll coaster and get the fuck off but it's hard work! My ups have nothing to do with you. My downs, on the other hand, are sometimes due to you. Please don't think that I can't live without you! I have survived the loss of people better than you, by far! I will live! I will thrive! So, please don't think that I need you!

Do I want you to leave? No! Do I want to never talk to you as a friend again? No! Will I, if I have to? Yes! Don't fucking say things you don't mean! I will take them seriously, and walk right out the fucking door, as long as you make it clear that is what you want. I will not beg! I will not plead! I may cry but the tears will end! Don't think, for a second, that I will drown in those tears though! Don't think that I won't come out better, after the pain ends!

I want you yes but please don't think that want equals need! I don't need you to be happy! I don't need you at all! Do I hope things work out? Of course!

I wish I was stronger. Then maybe I wouldn't feel the want so much! Maybe then I could say fuck you get the fuck away but I can't. Not yet! But I will let you go. So, please, know that you want that final goodbye before you say it. If you don't, then when you come crawling back, I may be over you and show you what pain is! Don't dish it out, if you can't take it!