To Freak or Not to Freak

So, I had my appointment yesterday, and now that its the day after I'm not suer how I feel about it. Yesterday, I told my bestie that it went good. Today, I'm not so sure. lol. You have got to love DID, truly. I was so very honest. Too honest! What the hell was I thinking of? I told him about what I saw around the first of the year (those within?). I told him about Kate coming out. I told him too much. I even told him that I joined a DID yahoo group.

I thought he would say that wasn't a good idea. I thought he would say, that's not what you have. I thought he would think I was crazy for doing that. I thought he would think everything I told him was bullshit. He didn't.  In fact, he seemed open to it all. He still hasn't said DID to me but a couple of times he, before saying something, he said that he was talking to everyone. He wanted everyone to listen. He wants to talk to the others.

So, now I think I'm freaking out. It's one thing me thinking this (I could just be crazy and making things up), and another for my therapist to believe this. He said the reason I didn't want to come in (yes after saying I needed to the day of I kept hearing myself say I didn't need to, and I told him that! what was I thinking?) was because someone or more than one was scared he wouldn't believe me or that he would and that he would put me in the hospital. He said that wasn't going to happen. do I believe that? I don't know!

Today's appointment

I have a therapy appointment today. Why am I scared? I'm worried I'll get there and have nothing to say. I guess I need to look through past blogs and get an idea of what is wrong with me. Sad I know but right now I can't think of why I need to go. I'm not saying I'm necessarily happy at the moment but I'm not that bad.

Kate

Kate. Isn't it beautiful? I know what it's like. The voices. I'm not scared. Well, I am when she is affraid and pushes. Do I exist? Does she?

I think I was crying a few minutes ago. She tried to take back over. She made me get so heavy, or was it here getting heavy? There are to many questions. I think we should a big party. :)

I guess I better go now. I feel like crying but that's not me. Bye.